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Jason Harris, on Nov 13 2009, 09:55 AM, said:
zrez, on Nov 11 2009, 10:27 PM, said:
why is everybody saying "she lets me do this", "she lets me do that"? Maybe she isnt so great if you cant do stuff unless she lets you. Or maybe i dont want to get married if i have to get permission to play hockey or videogames. My current gf doesnt "let" me play hockey. She has no say, she knows I play hockey.
I think you may be taking "she lets me do this" too literally.
The Big D has been my best friend for 16+ years and "lets" me do pretty much whatever I want, which is another way of saying I know what the parameters are for our relationship; I give her the courtesy of asking if she minds whether I'll do something (even though I know the answer); and I don't ask whether I can do something that I know would make her feel insecure in her relationship. It really is just common sense and common courtesy.
Do I get to play hockey WHENEVER I want? No, because we have family functions and budgets to adhere to. But can I play hockey whenever it's reasonable? Yes.
Can I take a trip WHENEVER I want? No, because she has to make sure it fits within her work schedule. But can I take trips without the family, if necessary? Yes. In fact I just went to the HHOF Induction last weekend and will go to my 30th Reunion in six months.
Now, if you want to be able to do WHATEVER you want, WHENEVER you want, then don't bother trying to have a relationship. Just find someone who's willing to be a friend with benefits, because the person who needs to do whatever whenever is too selfish to be a good mate.
Thats a good marriage in a nutshell. She sees whats important to you and makes sure you do it, even if it means more work for her, and hopefully you do the same.
The difference between a marriage when both people try to make things easier for themselves and one where both try to make things easier for each other is probably only 1 or 2 small things a week. But 50 years from now you'll either look back and think how much better your life was because of your spouse, or think how much worse it has become because you two lost each other.
I think that is why so many 'starter' marriages fail. Young people have a hard time letting go of the 'me' mentally and transitioning to the 'her' or 'us'. I know I did, and the first year or so was rough. Taking a 'what can I do to make her life easier' approach every once in a while pays a HUGE dividend and almost never goes un-returned.
RadioGaGa, on Nov 11 2009, 10:41 AM, said:
furlanitalia, on Nov 5 2009, 04:52 PM, said:
Girlfriend made me perogies last night so I could take them to work for lunch today. Definitely delicious!
There must be a common factor to perogies and the greatness of a GF. I think mine is pretty great...and she brought me (wait for it...) perogies and meatpie for dinner last night. I have the pie for lunch today. Awesome!
This is the one thing mine does wrong... She insists frozen, store bought perogies are better, and unabashedly tells my partly Polish family this whenever she gets a chance... :lol:
This post has been edited by MorePower4me: 13 November 2009 - 11:16 AM
